SPIRITUAL IDENTITY CRISIS (or It’s Not Easy Being Enlightened)

I think of the soul as an extension of the original self-aware energy (God) which suffuses my material body and keeps it alive. My body, brain, and nervous system are the organic tools by which this energetic being can interact with other beings and experience them as their projected forms, and experience myself projected as a form. This is why I am sometimes surprised when I see my reflection in a mirror: I don’t think of myself as the form that I appear to be, especially after 74 years. 😉

But taking on a body in order to learn some lesson that I chose for myself before I was born seems like some idea we have come up with to explain why we are here, just as the Genesis story was written to try to explain how the Earth was formed and how we got here.

It’s true, I find out more about who I am as I experience challenges, but why should it be such a mystery? Why should I come into this life like an amnesiac who spends her whole life trying to find out who she is and what she’s doing here? And when I die, I have no feeling of assurance that I will continue to be aware of my existence, except that I can’t imagine NOT existing. At the age of 74, it is getting down to the nitty-gritty. Exactly what is this all about, and should I care?

And that’s why I feel weird. I’m not in the market for bedtime stories and fairy tales. But there is no such thing as Absolute Truth in this world, and there may be no need for it in the non-material world. Am I part of some big plan? I doubt it. Ever since the first disturbance in the Equilibrium, the entire universe has simply been trying to regain it. And so have we.

The trouble with having sorted all this out is that it messes with my ability to operate “normally” in the world. That may be why people who think this way often choose to live in monasteries, closed communities, or even in caves–and I guess you could consider my compact, one-room apartment a cave. I do have to leave it a few times a week and deal with the necessities of life in this society and on this planet. But it’s getting harder…

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Author: b4i4get

I am a 68-yo retired Physical Therapist Asst. living in Texas. Currently I have ~5 dozen webpages, including 3 homepages, an e-novel, and 1 blog. I love cats, writing, and thinking about the big questions. I am also a singer-songwriter, though no one has heard of me--yet.

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