October 2007


There is a mischievous side of me that does not surface often, but I do enjoy giving it expression now and then. I can recall two occasions when I went to great lengths to disguise myself to the point where people who knew me well didn’t recognize me.

 I was about 16 the first time I did this. I disguised myself as a young East Indian prince for a Halloween party that my friends were throwing in a large barn on their property. We were all supposed to come in costume, but no one else spent all day getting ready the way I did. Since I was almost as tall as my father, I wore his old grey pinstripe suit, one of his older white shirts, a tie, and even his shoes. I used dark pancake makeup on my face, neck, and hands, and with dark brown eye pencil, I drew heavy brows, eyeliner, and the shadow of a beard and moustache. I smudged shadow around my eyes. Then I tore up an old sheet into long strips and practiced wrapping them around my head until I had fashioned a turban. A large red glass brooch pinned to the front of it completed the look. When I got to the party, I walked around the barn, not saying much, for at least a half-hour incognito. I saw people stare and one even asked another, “Who is that?” Finally I had to reveal my identity before I freaked them out.

Many years passed before I got the urge to do such a thing again. I was in my late 40s, I think, and my church was having a costume party on Halloween in the Fellowship Hall. But the sanctuary was open, too, and an occasional person came into that building to get something from the supply closet. I had dressed myself as a “bag lady”, wearing a gawdy, mismatched flowered blouse and skirt, rolled down stockings, tennis shoes, a grey wig, and makeup that was too bright. I carried an old shopping bag and a cane, and I hobbled into the church and sat down on a chair in the back row. A few minutes later, a woman walked in, looked over at me, and went back out again. In a moment, two other women came in and one walked over to me and leaned down, saying with real concern in her voice, “Do you need help?”

I knew both these women, but I had to tell them who I was, much to their relief, and then I went to the Hall with them to join the party.

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And then there is the fantastic alien (“grey”) costume that I use for sheer shock value! One October about 5 years ago, while shopping in a Wal-Mart store, I found an adult Halloween costume consisting of a hooded robe and the best alien mask I had ever seen. I had to have it, even though I doubted that I would ever go to another party. But I did take the mask with me to work one Halloween, put it on with a hooded jacket, and peered around the partition to the Director’s office just long enough for her to look up. Then I quickly ducked out of sight and took the mask off. A moment later I walked into her office with some papers. “That was a really good mask you had on,” she said.

“What mask?” I asked innocently.

Her eyes widened, and then she put her head down on the desk and whined, “Oh, don’t do that to me!”

A year later, I walked into my last workplace wearing that mask and enjoyed the double-take that the student PTA gave me, while the other therapists just smiled. This is what the full costume looks like on me (I am wearing black sox on my hands):

alien costume

pumpkin-ghost

I live on the Tex-Mex border in a nice neighborhood just a few blocks off a major expressway, where many teachers and professional people make their homes. On Halloween my daughter and I leave the porchlights off and retreat to a back room until the herds of costumed kids, parents, and trailing cars have all gone home. But tonight I had to go to a 7 pm class at church, so at 6:40 I left the house and went out to my car. It was still light, but the street was already filled with kids, parents, and cars. I had to tell some of them who approached me, “We don’t participate”, and they politely moved on.

I was finally able to back the car out of my driveway, and I crept along at 3 mph, navigating the street as if it had mines planted in it, to keep from running over someone or bending someone’s fender. Once out of the neighborhood, there were still people walking down both sides of the street and cars pulled up on the grass to avoid blocking traffic while the kids made their annual haul.

At 8:30 I left the church and 20 minutes later I approached my neighborhood, thinking there might only be a few stragglers by that time. But if anything, it was worse! Cars were everywhere–in the driveways, parked on both sides of the street, and weaving around each other in both directions. And most of them were SUVs. It took me 10 minutes to make it down the street to my turn, and then into my driveway.

In the Lower Rio Grande Valley, Trick or Treat on Halloween is an industry. There couldn’t have been that many kids in the entire city! They must have caravanned up the Expressway and hit every neighborhood that looked like there might be candy and goodies forthcoming. The SUVs were needed not only to haul the kids, but all the sacks of treats they collected.

I have to admit that the kids were quiet and they didn’t commit any mischief, and they were surely having fun in their costumes. But Trick or Treat is one tradition that I would like to see forgotten. I can remember going around the block in my costume once or twice when I was little, and I took my own kids around to the houses of people we knew until the oldest was about 12. We did not come home with pounds of candy, but enough to make them queasy.

Let the kids dress up in the most creative costumes they can put together and go to school that way. Let people who work in stores and offices have a little fun, too. Let there be masquerade parties–I still love dressing in costume–and dances, concerts and shows and carnivals! But most people have forgotten how the Trick or Treat tradition got started and what it means. So why not let it slip into the past, too?

smiley pumpkin

Jonathan Livingston Seagull arrived in my mailbox yesterday (from Amazon.com), and I spent this evening watching it and reliving a time in my life 25 years ago when I first heard the Neil Diamond soundtrack, then saw the movie on videocassette, and finally read the book by Richard Bach that inspired it all. The movie was first released in 1973. It won Academy Award nominations for Best Cinematography and Best Film Editing, and received Golden Globe and Grammy Awards for its music score. I gained a new respect for Mr. Diamond’s ability as a musician and composer and bought several of his albums. Imagine it: a Neil Diamond fan in my 40s!

jlseagull

Tonight as I viewed the DVD in widescreen digital format, there was an unexpectedly poignant recall of the way my heart had swelled back then in response to the words and music as the gull soared in free flight. I’d had a passionate longing to express my thoughts and abilities to people who would accept and embrace them, to push myself to the limit to accomplish a goal worth attaining, and to love someone who wanted what I needed to give. For the most part, my adult life had been spent as a cog in the machine and a body that performed work. The poet, philosopher, and healer inside me were unappreciated and had no practical value for making a living.

“Be like a page that aches for a word on a theme that is timeless…” sang Neil Diamond. And I ached. I still do. “…Sing like a song in search of a voice that is silent, and the one God will make for your way.” I want to spread my arms out to the night sky and release the love, so that more can come in.

There are no people in this movie. Just seagulls, one eagle, pounding surf and ocean swells, rain and snow, and the voices of 3 well-known actors. It is a film best viewed alone, or in a group of very special like-minded people who are already on their spiritual journeys. No popcorn allowed–or needed.